710 pm EST, 28 October 2010. A little over an hour left before I touchdown at Newark's Liberty International Airport. I left the San Antonio International Airport at 330 CST, so you do the math on how long I have been on this flight or will be. I look out the window and it has just turned dark outside. The light from the wing of the aircraft has just started flickering. I remember the famous ending line from the movie Up in the Air starring the irresistible George Clooney. "The stars will wheel forth from their daytime hiding places; and one of those lights, slightly brighter than the rest, will be my wingtip passing over."
I saw the movie a second time this week. The first time I saw it was when I was "up in the air" going from Philadelphia to Frankfurt on my way to India this summer. Nice coincidence, isn't it? I was instantly impressed by it. After all the movie won several oscars, did it not? I'm trying to think what it was about the movie that I liked. I guess there were several things. First of, Ryan Bingham, the protagonist (played by George Clooney), is on the road (or should I say up in the air!) all the time. He has a job firing people (that's the tough part of the movie) and he LOVES TRAVELLING. Ask my wife if that sounds like me.
Numbers mean a lot to him (just like me again, also see my 10/10/10 post). In fact his very GOAL in life is a number. His goal is to accumulate 10 million miles on American Airways and become only the 7th person in the world to do it on any airline. And like all good movies, he does achieve it at the end. The sweetest part is he even uses 1 million of the 10 to send his sister and brother in law on a world tour as it is something that they would have loved to do but don't have the money to. Now, my dear sister in Indiana, I know what you are thinking but as you always say, "pirkaalathula paakalam" (let's see later!).
George Clooney looks great and his acting is top notch. And there is this cute girl (there has to be a cute girl for me to like anything!!!) who plays not the heroine of the film, but Clooney's colleague and whom he mentors and this time for a change I liked the cute girl not because she is cute but there is a certain element of strength in her character. She is a confident career woman who has a failed relationship and a big work idea that blows right in her face but after just a brief emotional burst, she retains her composure and bounces right back into life. She moves on. It's a kind of strength I have grown to admire in people and this character in this movie just brought it home again for me.
And then there are several other things. The movie has all the right elements. Funny moments, sweet gestures, poignant points and outright emotional events. The perfect mix of tones a successful movie must have. But more so the elements I think I have always associated with in life, even some of the moments I have truly lived, so to say. Even as I watched this movie a first time, it brought back to me several memories and associations from my own life. When I watched it the second time this week, I was completely consumed by it and at the end I was awestruck. And now it is clear to me why I like this movie. Up in the Air is so much up my alley ,or should I say, in some ways, Ryan Bingham was so "ME".
The flight attendant just announced that all electronic devices must be shut off and I will do that now. But before I go, I have just one thing to share. I called Continental Airlines yesterday and they told me that this flight I am on today will be the 30th segment I have travelled on their airline this year. And when I land in Newark in a few minutes from now, I will qualify for the Silver Elite status of the their OnePass Miles program. I still have a few miles to go for 10 million. And I will start that journey with my connecting flight to Philadelphia an hour later. But rest assured, Ryan Bingham, here I come.
P.S. Up in the Air just joined my all time favorite English movies after Shall we Dance, Indecent Proposal and School of Rock!
Thursday, October 28, 2010
Sunday, October 10, 2010
10/10/10
My life is all about numbers. When I have a lot to do, I like to wake up at 345 am. When I have an important email to send I look at the clock at the bottom right of my computer and see what the time is. It's nothing specific but it has to be some interesting combination, like 1234 pm, maybe! It's not just about time. I seem to remember numbers very well, whether it is long account numbers or exit numbers on the highways (what is where?) So when it comes to dates that have interesting combinations, there is no doubt I try to make special meaning from them. Today is 10/10/10 and was certainly a nice Sunday. I learnt how to cook Rava Kesari, went to the temple after a long time, had a good Indian meal and had a good 2 hour afternoon nap. I would have certainly liked to accomplish something more today, but I am happy how the day went. I just remembered that on 09/09/09 I completed my PMP certification. Not a big accomplishment at all, but it was a personal milestone for me because I had 3 weeks to accomplish it between 2 terms of my MBA. And my MBA graduation itself happened exactly one month ago on 09/11/10, which was also my 10th wedding anniversary. Those who follow me on facebook know how much of a super special day that was. Come to think of it, 10 itself is a rather significant number in my life. After all, I was born on the 10th of June. Which is perhaps why 10/10/10 has been intruiging for me for quite a while. I have been thinking all week long that I should make good use of this day and want to make it special in every way. It was, I have to say. And as I sit here in my writing this, just before I go to bed, I am trying to think of one thing I want to leave the day with, like a goal or a message for myself. The first thing that occurs to me is, what can I do to make myself "10 Times Better" in every way. I have to be true and say I would Ten Times the pay, but I guess it is more than money. I want to be 10X better in relationships, I want to be 10X better at my work, I want to be a 10X better husband and a father, I want to be 10X better by health and...
I can go on and on and on but I promised myself I will finish and post this piece at 10 pm and I have only one minute left. If you are reading this, I hope 10/10/10 was as good to me as it was to you and I wish you that life is better 10 times in every way. Have a great day.
I can go on and on and on but I promised myself I will finish and post this piece at 10 pm and I have only one minute left. If you are reading this, I hope 10/10/10 was as good to me as it was to you and I wish you that life is better 10 times in every way. Have a great day.
Monday, July 19, 2010
Stunning Songs with Shocking Faces
Music lovers of yore have made many a collection before. Of their favorite actors, music directors or films of a certain genre or age. As a film music lover, I have many including my favorite film songs, my favorite Kamal songs and even mix of hindi and tamil songs. But of all my collections the one that is ever so special to me is this one - Stunning Songs with Shocking Faces!
I present here this collection that I have painstakingly put together with a lot of thought and perspiration. Before you read on, thanks to youtube for making so life interesting that I can present this to you in the form of my words and the actual song, with full video (without which, this collection would really have no meaning). And most important of all - DISCLAIMER - I mean no disrespect to any of the human beings who featured as heros in these songs but honesty being a virtue I treat above all, these guys had no place in the movies.
Most of these are Ilayaraja songs, trust middle class Madras in the 1980s to provide this crazy conundrum. But even as you read through this, do spend time to listen to these GEMS. Believe me, each of these songs is one that I have listened to all day long on repeat mode. IMPORTANT: When you get to the links, right click on them and open them in a new window.
1. I really have to start with this one becuase not only was it featured in the movie I least expected it to be in, Anbulla Rajanikant, but when I saw this song for the first time, I was really - SHOCKED! And hence the title of this collection. A fine tune indeed, with a subtle rythm and sublime violin bits. Start your journey with Vintage Ilayaraja.
Then Poove Poove Vaa, Anbulla Rajanikant
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cOq_dcN8j6Q
2. We call these heros one-film wonders and I simply cannot understand how directors were able to cast such characters in their films. May be the title of the film justified such a selection, after all it was titled Kokkarakko ("that's not even a word", my son would say). The song however is another soft and fine melody. Notice how there is a certain pace to the song but that pace is generated not by solid drum beats but a super-speed tabla. Wow indeed! Enjoy another nice one.
Geetham Sangeetham, Kokkarakko
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rDTSRf_m1DU
3. Trust a director like Bharathiraja to try new things, new subjects and of course new faces. Rumour has it that he met this man in a shop in Madurai and decided to cast him in his next film. Honestly, this hero did not do badly either. He did go on to get some hits, though not as much as the heroine, who is sheer talent incarnate. The film, Mann Vasanai, was a super hit, a landmark film of sorts and the song is a real stunner indeed. Starting with a magnificient violin bit and going on to be one of the most soothing songs I have ever heard in the tamil language, the effect of this song is so calming on the mind. Pay attention to the ghamakas of SPB and Janaki towards the end of the charanams. This song is a classic.
Pothi Vecha Malligai Mottu, Mann Vasanai
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B0Vko5DAOlE
4. This film rocked the music world - Kathal Oviyam. And it does even today in the homes of die-hard Ilayaraja fans from Chennai to California. It was a typical melodrama of the 1980s and had that Nenjai Kasakki Puzhiyum quality about it. Honestly the hero was not too bad in the context. A blind man in an obscure village deep-down south should expect to bear that quality but just given that cinema is all that glitters and is glossy, he did fall short. I did not know which song to present from this one because each song in this film is a beauty but I present here my favorite one which bears a quality that I simply love. Lazy, non-chalant but supremely elegant. Easily, Ilayaraja at his best...
Nadiyil Aadum Poovanam, Kadhal Oviyam
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EiuSzCwgrT4&feature=PlayList&p=5B4FD3D91C5ECF83&playnext_from=PL&playnext=1&index=2
5. I don't know much about this film - Pagalil Oru Iravu. About the hero, the lesser said the better. But this song is MAGIC. It has a magnetic quality about it. The soft strains of melody seep into your system and move you from within. Listen to this song with eyes closed and the music plugged into your ears and you will know exactly what I am talking about. Wah, Raja!
Ilamaienum Poongatru, Pagalil Oru Iravu
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GD9a3qyWUBY
6. Another Ilayaraja, Bharathiraja combination. But this film, Mudhal Mariyadhai, also had the larger than life Sivaji Ganesan in the most understated role of his life, yet one his best performances ever. Every song from this movie was a stunner but to retain the soul of this collection, I have to chose the one with the sorry face in it. This song is a rustic charmer and has in it the raw power of love, that can surely tear you heart out. So much power in fact that I have been sitting here at the Philadelphia airport, listening to this song over and over again for the last 3 hours. So much power indeed, that I did not even realise that I actually missed my flight which was due to leave at 705 PM, thinking it was late and had not arrived yet. Experience this power for yourself, even as I rebook myself on the 910 PM US Airways Express to Rochester, New York ...
Andha Nilavathaan, Mudhal Mariyadhai
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y9Qv8-wRmEI
7. There has to be an exception for everything so I present here the only non-Ilayaraja song. Though not from my favorite composer, this one is sung by my favorite tamil film singer of current times - Karthik. The film is called Anbu and the first time I heard this song, I flipped. It is a sharp contrast to the other songs I have presented here, with a nice pace, music heavily orchestrated with modern instruments and a element of sheer cheer. But the problem is, I heard this song first (may be I did not know about youtube at that time). And then one fateful day, I saw this song. For the first and last time. This song is a double-whammy, both the hero and the heroine are horrendous. My sincere suggestion is to just listen to this song on Raaga.com or someplace but for the brave of heart who insist, here is the link. Please, at least close your eyes and let your ears be treated. Karthik rocks!
Aval Yaar Aval, Anbu
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IXw3QAdI3XY
It is 845 PM and my flight should be leaving here in another 25 minutes so I will go now and let you go too. I hope I inspired you to make some strange collections like this one and at the same time, I hope you enjoyed the songs I love and cherish so much.
If you have similar songs that you think you can add to this collection, please comment on this piece or email me at lakshminarayan.balasubramaniam@gmail.com
I present here this collection that I have painstakingly put together with a lot of thought and perspiration. Before you read on, thanks to youtube for making so life interesting that I can present this to you in the form of my words and the actual song, with full video (without which, this collection would really have no meaning). And most important of all - DISCLAIMER - I mean no disrespect to any of the human beings who featured as heros in these songs but honesty being a virtue I treat above all, these guys had no place in the movies.
Most of these are Ilayaraja songs, trust middle class Madras in the 1980s to provide this crazy conundrum. But even as you read through this, do spend time to listen to these GEMS. Believe me, each of these songs is one that I have listened to all day long on repeat mode. IMPORTANT: When you get to the links, right click on them and open them in a new window.
1. I really have to start with this one becuase not only was it featured in the movie I least expected it to be in, Anbulla Rajanikant, but when I saw this song for the first time, I was really - SHOCKED! And hence the title of this collection. A fine tune indeed, with a subtle rythm and sublime violin bits. Start your journey with Vintage Ilayaraja.
Then Poove Poove Vaa, Anbulla Rajanikant
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cOq_dcN8j6Q
2. We call these heros one-film wonders and I simply cannot understand how directors were able to cast such characters in their films. May be the title of the film justified such a selection, after all it was titled Kokkarakko ("that's not even a word", my son would say). The song however is another soft and fine melody. Notice how there is a certain pace to the song but that pace is generated not by solid drum beats but a super-speed tabla. Wow indeed! Enjoy another nice one.
Geetham Sangeetham, Kokkarakko
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rDTSRf_m1DU
3. Trust a director like Bharathiraja to try new things, new subjects and of course new faces. Rumour has it that he met this man in a shop in Madurai and decided to cast him in his next film. Honestly, this hero did not do badly either. He did go on to get some hits, though not as much as the heroine, who is sheer talent incarnate. The film, Mann Vasanai, was a super hit, a landmark film of sorts and the song is a real stunner indeed. Starting with a magnificient violin bit and going on to be one of the most soothing songs I have ever heard in the tamil language, the effect of this song is so calming on the mind. Pay attention to the ghamakas of SPB and Janaki towards the end of the charanams. This song is a classic.
Pothi Vecha Malligai Mottu, Mann Vasanai
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B0Vko5DAOlE
4. This film rocked the music world - Kathal Oviyam. And it does even today in the homes of die-hard Ilayaraja fans from Chennai to California. It was a typical melodrama of the 1980s and had that Nenjai Kasakki Puzhiyum quality about it. Honestly the hero was not too bad in the context. A blind man in an obscure village deep-down south should expect to bear that quality but just given that cinema is all that glitters and is glossy, he did fall short. I did not know which song to present from this one because each song in this film is a beauty but I present here my favorite one which bears a quality that I simply love. Lazy, non-chalant but supremely elegant. Easily, Ilayaraja at his best...
Nadiyil Aadum Poovanam, Kadhal Oviyam
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EiuSzCwgrT4&feature=PlayList&p=5B4FD3D91C5ECF83&playnext_from=PL&playnext=1&index=2
5. I don't know much about this film - Pagalil Oru Iravu. About the hero, the lesser said the better. But this song is MAGIC. It has a magnetic quality about it. The soft strains of melody seep into your system and move you from within. Listen to this song with eyes closed and the music plugged into your ears and you will know exactly what I am talking about. Wah, Raja!
Ilamaienum Poongatru, Pagalil Oru Iravu
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GD9a3qyWUBY
6. Another Ilayaraja, Bharathiraja combination. But this film, Mudhal Mariyadhai, also had the larger than life Sivaji Ganesan in the most understated role of his life, yet one his best performances ever. Every song from this movie was a stunner but to retain the soul of this collection, I have to chose the one with the sorry face in it. This song is a rustic charmer and has in it the raw power of love, that can surely tear you heart out. So much power in fact that I have been sitting here at the Philadelphia airport, listening to this song over and over again for the last 3 hours. So much power indeed, that I did not even realise that I actually missed my flight which was due to leave at 705 PM, thinking it was late and had not arrived yet. Experience this power for yourself, even as I rebook myself on the 910 PM US Airways Express to Rochester, New York ...
Andha Nilavathaan, Mudhal Mariyadhai
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y9Qv8-wRmEI
7. There has to be an exception for everything so I present here the only non-Ilayaraja song. Though not from my favorite composer, this one is sung by my favorite tamil film singer of current times - Karthik. The film is called Anbu and the first time I heard this song, I flipped. It is a sharp contrast to the other songs I have presented here, with a nice pace, music heavily orchestrated with modern instruments and a element of sheer cheer. But the problem is, I heard this song first (may be I did not know about youtube at that time). And then one fateful day, I saw this song. For the first and last time. This song is a double-whammy, both the hero and the heroine are horrendous. My sincere suggestion is to just listen to this song on Raaga.com or someplace but for the brave of heart who insist, here is the link. Please, at least close your eyes and let your ears be treated. Karthik rocks!
Aval Yaar Aval, Anbu
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IXw3QAdI3XY
It is 845 PM and my flight should be leaving here in another 25 minutes so I will go now and let you go too. I hope I inspired you to make some strange collections like this one and at the same time, I hope you enjoyed the songs I love and cherish so much.
If you have similar songs that you think you can add to this collection, please comment on this piece or email me at lakshminarayan.balasubramaniam@gmail.com
Thursday, June 10, 2010
Birthday Vows!
10 June 10
God, this is the BEST birthday of my life. "This day is very special to me", I said. "This is the day I was born in this world and this day I am KING", I added. "No matter what happens, I will make sure I enjoy every minute of this day and no force of nature can stop me from doing that", I vowed.
These were tall statements indeed for somone who had woken up alone in a hotel, far away from home and was about to face the most empty day of his life at work. I had been invited by my client for a meeting here today and have been here for the last 2 days preparing for this. At the end of the 2 days of real hard work, I was told that I was really not needed for the meeting. What a wonderful thing to do to me. If they had told me I was not needed for this meeting, I would have done all the prep work and caught the last flight back home last night and at least woken up in my bed with my wonderful wife and sweet son. Not to be.\
Yet, I vowed to make this a special day.
Even when I made the vow, I was angry. Something told me last evening that things were not right, but I persisted. I just wanted to make it right. So I did everything I should do, I made an effort. After all that I didn't feel good going to bed and I didn't sleep right either. So no wonder that I woke up feeling miserable. Not just in my mind but my stomach was also in big trouble. And I had to visit the bathroom quite a few times before it was all well. What do you know, no one except my dutiful wife really called to wish me till I was almost ready to walk out the door to work.
Yet, I vowed to make this a special day.
I did go to work, I showed up. I was made to sit on the sidelines, but that did not shake me up. I organized my thoughts on what all I could accomplish in the half day and set myself to work. Emails came and emails went and then came the email which announced to all my company's employees in the US who all were celebrating their birthday today. My name was the first in the list and some well wishers who noticed it emailed me and wished me. Life was turning sunny. Many, but my boss wished me a Happy Birthday. We all get so many emails in a day, but when you don't get the one email you are waiting for, that doesn't leave you anywhere.
Yet, I vowed to make this a special day.
A one dollar breakfast was all I had had. Knott's strawberry cookies were worth that much in the vending machine in the break room at the office. So by the time it was noon, I was hungry. The meeting was still on, though I was not a part of it and there was food too. I walked out and inspected the spread. I rightfully assumed that though I was not part of the meeting, I was at least part of the lunch. That's how it had been in the last 2 days and my colleagues had even been kind to order vegetarian stuff the last 2 days. But not today. I did not see anything that looked vegetarian and when I asked our office manager if that was the case, she sincerely apologized and said that she forgotten to order any vegetarian food.
Yet, I vowed to make this a special day.
Off I went to the Indian restaurant 5 minutes away. Palak Panneer, Channa Masala, Alu Gobi, Naan, Basmati Rice and Kheer later, I was feeling really good. The clouds had passed and the sun was out again. I walked out of the restaurant a sated man and walked in to the office 5 minutes later (give or take a few). The office manager was waiting for me and let me know that the client was looking for me. When I walked into the conference room, where everyone was sinking their teeth into their happy sandwiches, my client announced proudly in front of 10 others that she had some FEEDBACK for me. No mention of the all the great work we had done in the last 2 days, but just FEEDBACK.
Yet, I vowed to make this a special day.I wrapped up my work at half past one and started my drive to the airport. I hit the highway and stuck to the right most lane. My wife has told me not to drive fast and I ardently follow that instruction. As I was approaching an exit, a car coming in from the exit refused to yield and so I tried to move out to the next lane and right in my blind spot was a big van who quickly swerved to his left, skilfully avoided me and honked as he passed me at what seemed like a 100 miles an hour. I recovered fast from the jerk and stayed slow on the right most lane and soon reached the airport. It's only 20 minutes away anyway. But ah! I had forgotten to fill up the rental car with gas and the attendant was all smiles when he handed me a fuel charge of $13.99 added to the rental cost.
Yet, I vowed to make this a special day.
"I hate small planes", said my neighbour at 5F. He was huge. 6 ft something and built well. He shouldn't have been flying this plane at all, but the plane ride was not so bad from the discomfort of having to sit next to him. It was the spots of bad weather where the flight was shaking like it was in a giant mixer that was scary. Imagine starting the day with a bad stomach, still indulging in an Indian buffet and then going through this ardor. I still landed safely, my stomach in shape and walked from terminal F to E to avail the airport shuttle. My phone was completely out of charge and I managed just the one call to my wife to let her know I should be home by 530 (it was 430 then). And like luck would have it, I found an electrical socket to charge my phone and what could be better, the shuttle made me wait for 45 minutes so I was able to fully charge my phone.
Yet, I vowed to make this a special day.
I called my wife the moment I was in the shuttle and told her I should be home my 615 PM. My son was waiting to go to his music class and he wanted me to take him today. He is the apple of my eye, alright, and I assured my wife I would be on time to take him. We crossed Walt Whitman bridge, passed the crowded section of route 76 and hit I295 North at exit 26. All I could see was a mile of cars, bumper to bumper. What a sight it was. One of the most wonderful machines created ny man, lined up by the million. When we passed exit 30 and the traffic started clearing up, I started to breathe again and was waiting for exit 40 when we would get off and get home. But that was not to be. We took exit 36 to drop off another passenger.
Yet, I vowed to make this a special day.
My shuttle is now pulling up into my apartment community and it is 630 PM. My son should have been in his class right now but is dutifully waiting for me to take him there. I will now transfer from the shuttle straight to my 2005 Blue Honda Accord and off we will be gone. And here is my wife at the parking lot with a cup of hot tea in her hand and a water bottle for me for the ride.
Believe me, Nothing can stop me from having a great day today.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MYSELF.
God, this is the BEST birthday of my life. "This day is very special to me", I said. "This is the day I was born in this world and this day I am KING", I added. "No matter what happens, I will make sure I enjoy every minute of this day and no force of nature can stop me from doing that", I vowed.
These were tall statements indeed for somone who had woken up alone in a hotel, far away from home and was about to face the most empty day of his life at work. I had been invited by my client for a meeting here today and have been here for the last 2 days preparing for this. At the end of the 2 days of real hard work, I was told that I was really not needed for the meeting. What a wonderful thing to do to me. If they had told me I was not needed for this meeting, I would have done all the prep work and caught the last flight back home last night and at least woken up in my bed with my wonderful wife and sweet son. Not to be.\
Yet, I vowed to make this a special day.
Even when I made the vow, I was angry. Something told me last evening that things were not right, but I persisted. I just wanted to make it right. So I did everything I should do, I made an effort. After all that I didn't feel good going to bed and I didn't sleep right either. So no wonder that I woke up feeling miserable. Not just in my mind but my stomach was also in big trouble. And I had to visit the bathroom quite a few times before it was all well. What do you know, no one except my dutiful wife really called to wish me till I was almost ready to walk out the door to work.
Yet, I vowed to make this a special day.
I did go to work, I showed up. I was made to sit on the sidelines, but that did not shake me up. I organized my thoughts on what all I could accomplish in the half day and set myself to work. Emails came and emails went and then came the email which announced to all my company's employees in the US who all were celebrating their birthday today. My name was the first in the list and some well wishers who noticed it emailed me and wished me. Life was turning sunny. Many, but my boss wished me a Happy Birthday. We all get so many emails in a day, but when you don't get the one email you are waiting for, that doesn't leave you anywhere.
Yet, I vowed to make this a special day.
A one dollar breakfast was all I had had. Knott's strawberry cookies were worth that much in the vending machine in the break room at the office. So by the time it was noon, I was hungry. The meeting was still on, though I was not a part of it and there was food too. I walked out and inspected the spread. I rightfully assumed that though I was not part of the meeting, I was at least part of the lunch. That's how it had been in the last 2 days and my colleagues had even been kind to order vegetarian stuff the last 2 days. But not today. I did not see anything that looked vegetarian and when I asked our office manager if that was the case, she sincerely apologized and said that she forgotten to order any vegetarian food.
Yet, I vowed to make this a special day.
Off I went to the Indian restaurant 5 minutes away. Palak Panneer, Channa Masala, Alu Gobi, Naan, Basmati Rice and Kheer later, I was feeling really good. The clouds had passed and the sun was out again. I walked out of the restaurant a sated man and walked in to the office 5 minutes later (give or take a few). The office manager was waiting for me and let me know that the client was looking for me. When I walked into the conference room, where everyone was sinking their teeth into their happy sandwiches, my client announced proudly in front of 10 others that she had some FEEDBACK for me. No mention of the all the great work we had done in the last 2 days, but just FEEDBACK.
Yet, I vowed to make this a special day.I wrapped up my work at half past one and started my drive to the airport. I hit the highway and stuck to the right most lane. My wife has told me not to drive fast and I ardently follow that instruction. As I was approaching an exit, a car coming in from the exit refused to yield and so I tried to move out to the next lane and right in my blind spot was a big van who quickly swerved to his left, skilfully avoided me and honked as he passed me at what seemed like a 100 miles an hour. I recovered fast from the jerk and stayed slow on the right most lane and soon reached the airport. It's only 20 minutes away anyway. But ah! I had forgotten to fill up the rental car with gas and the attendant was all smiles when he handed me a fuel charge of $13.99 added to the rental cost.
Yet, I vowed to make this a special day.
"I hate small planes", said my neighbour at 5F. He was huge. 6 ft something and built well. He shouldn't have been flying this plane at all, but the plane ride was not so bad from the discomfort of having to sit next to him. It was the spots of bad weather where the flight was shaking like it was in a giant mixer that was scary. Imagine starting the day with a bad stomach, still indulging in an Indian buffet and then going through this ardor. I still landed safely, my stomach in shape and walked from terminal F to E to avail the airport shuttle. My phone was completely out of charge and I managed just the one call to my wife to let her know I should be home by 530 (it was 430 then). And like luck would have it, I found an electrical socket to charge my phone and what could be better, the shuttle made me wait for 45 minutes so I was able to fully charge my phone.
Yet, I vowed to make this a special day.
I called my wife the moment I was in the shuttle and told her I should be home my 615 PM. My son was waiting to go to his music class and he wanted me to take him today. He is the apple of my eye, alright, and I assured my wife I would be on time to take him. We crossed Walt Whitman bridge, passed the crowded section of route 76 and hit I295 North at exit 26. All I could see was a mile of cars, bumper to bumper. What a sight it was. One of the most wonderful machines created ny man, lined up by the million. When we passed exit 30 and the traffic started clearing up, I started to breathe again and was waiting for exit 40 when we would get off and get home. But that was not to be. We took exit 36 to drop off another passenger.
Yet, I vowed to make this a special day.
My shuttle is now pulling up into my apartment community and it is 630 PM. My son should have been in his class right now but is dutifully waiting for me to take him there. I will now transfer from the shuttle straight to my 2005 Blue Honda Accord and off we will be gone. And here is my wife at the parking lot with a cup of hot tea in her hand and a water bottle for me for the ride.
Believe me, Nothing can stop me from having a great day today.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MYSELF.
Thursday, March 11, 2010
Everything I thought I'd be...
Everytime I do something like that, I smile. It brings back memories. It's everything I always wanted to be and everything I have almost never been. It's everything I have never wanted to do in life, but have always ended up doing. I like to think the smile is a sign of maturity, because whatever I did that made me smile, was sheer folly!
I've screwed up. Several times at that in the last couple of months, that smile has graced my lips. I'm sorry. I wish I could go back and change everything. I look ahead. I try and see if I will learn and correct myself. I only smile again. It's really not what I thought it'd be.
I try to think through this. I was so sure I would never be like this. May be I was naive. "Nothing can shake me", I believed. Youthful bravado, I presume. I swore that whatever may come my way, I will hold on to what I dearly believe. I do, hardly.
I don't want to give up, not yet. This is the way it was meant to be. I hope. All I have is what I believe. I have no doubt. What will be, will surely be. I only want to look ahead. Not behind and see why this happened to me. I want to try. I want to be what I really wanted to be.
I've screwed up. Several times at that in the last couple of months, that smile has graced my lips. I'm sorry. I wish I could go back and change everything. I look ahead. I try and see if I will learn and correct myself. I only smile again. It's really not what I thought it'd be.
I try to think through this. I was so sure I would never be like this. May be I was naive. "Nothing can shake me", I believed. Youthful bravado, I presume. I swore that whatever may come my way, I will hold on to what I dearly believe. I do, hardly.
I don't want to give up, not yet. This is the way it was meant to be. I hope. All I have is what I believe. I have no doubt. What will be, will surely be. I only want to look ahead. Not behind and see why this happened to me. I want to try. I want to be what I really wanted to be.
Wednesday, March 3, 2010
When I'm sitting in the couch and singing this song, you know...
It's sitting in my head and refusing to leave me.
It happens sometimes. It's like chocolate cake. When it's there, it takes control of your life. You know you've eaten plenty today, but you can't resist some more. So even though you put it back in the fridge after 2 large helpings telling yourself, "This is it!", you just can't control yourself. You walk by the fridge a couple of times painfully swallowing the saliva that is flooding your mouth. And then by the third attempt, you say, "To hell with it, I'll go and burn it off tomorrow". So out it comes again from the fridge and you then take a healthy third helping and this time you eat it slowly so you can savor it to the very last lick. Yes, you have to lick that spoon till it is dry...
I'm sitting in my car, on my way to the doctor's office and I am listening to this song for the millionth time in the last few days. It happens sometimes. I get a new CD that has a bunch of different songs and then one in the middle hits me in the jugular. I like all the songs in the CD, but this one is special. So when I come back to this song a second time, I listen to it closely and then I play it again. A second time. And then a third and and then I don't quite leave. It's like nothing else matters. I'm so smitten by this song. The more I listen to it, the more it reaches deep in me. Soon, it's running in my blood. And of course, sitting in my head.
Ah! The chocolate cake. Why the elaborate explanation of chocolate cake? Because when I was in my car today on the way to the doctor's office, I realized I had listened to this song a millionth time and I actually removed the CD from the player and put on another one. And then it happened. I got that fateful phone call. Luckily, it didn't last long and I was free to return to my music again. But you know what I did. I removed the CD I had just inserted in the player and reverted to the one I had removed only a few minutes ago. "Loading", it said, but I couldn't wait. I was rubbing my index and middle fingers against my thumb waiting to reverse to track 16 the moment the player indicated it was ready to play the music.
And then it happened. The song started and it sent that same tingle into my heart as it did the first time I heard. This was it. This was the third slice of chocolate cake... The problem for me is, I don't stop at 3. I heard the same song tens of more times by the time I had finished my doctor's appointment, run to the grocery store, picked up my son from karate and come back home. And once I came home, I asked my son to play it on the computer. And then on youtube. We've since moved to other songs and American Idol on Fox 29, but there's this little genie in my head is singing this song to me. And I don't mind. Actually, I'm enjoying it...
It's happened all my life. It's different songs at different times. But they all have the same quality. They hit me right in the gut the first time I hear them. And then I listen to them ad nauseum. Somtimes all the way on a long drive and sometimes through the night. They inspire me and drive me. They become the moot point of my most creative work and the reflection of my deepest emotions. And it's happening now. It's chocolate cake...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GLKvl6DzDCI
It happens sometimes. It's like chocolate cake. When it's there, it takes control of your life. You know you've eaten plenty today, but you can't resist some more. So even though you put it back in the fridge after 2 large helpings telling yourself, "This is it!", you just can't control yourself. You walk by the fridge a couple of times painfully swallowing the saliva that is flooding your mouth. And then by the third attempt, you say, "To hell with it, I'll go and burn it off tomorrow". So out it comes again from the fridge and you then take a healthy third helping and this time you eat it slowly so you can savor it to the very last lick. Yes, you have to lick that spoon till it is dry...
I'm sitting in my car, on my way to the doctor's office and I am listening to this song for the millionth time in the last few days. It happens sometimes. I get a new CD that has a bunch of different songs and then one in the middle hits me in the jugular. I like all the songs in the CD, but this one is special. So when I come back to this song a second time, I listen to it closely and then I play it again. A second time. And then a third and and then I don't quite leave. It's like nothing else matters. I'm so smitten by this song. The more I listen to it, the more it reaches deep in me. Soon, it's running in my blood. And of course, sitting in my head.
Ah! The chocolate cake. Why the elaborate explanation of chocolate cake? Because when I was in my car today on the way to the doctor's office, I realized I had listened to this song a millionth time and I actually removed the CD from the player and put on another one. And then it happened. I got that fateful phone call. Luckily, it didn't last long and I was free to return to my music again. But you know what I did. I removed the CD I had just inserted in the player and reverted to the one I had removed only a few minutes ago. "Loading", it said, but I couldn't wait. I was rubbing my index and middle fingers against my thumb waiting to reverse to track 16 the moment the player indicated it was ready to play the music.
And then it happened. The song started and it sent that same tingle into my heart as it did the first time I heard. This was it. This was the third slice of chocolate cake... The problem for me is, I don't stop at 3. I heard the same song tens of more times by the time I had finished my doctor's appointment, run to the grocery store, picked up my son from karate and come back home. And once I came home, I asked my son to play it on the computer. And then on youtube. We've since moved to other songs and American Idol on Fox 29, but there's this little genie in my head is singing this song to me. And I don't mind. Actually, I'm enjoying it...
It's happened all my life. It's different songs at different times. But they all have the same quality. They hit me right in the gut the first time I hear them. And then I listen to them ad nauseum. Somtimes all the way on a long drive and sometimes through the night. They inspire me and drive me. They become the moot point of my most creative work and the reflection of my deepest emotions. And it's happening now. It's chocolate cake...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GLKvl6DzDCI
Sunday, February 21, 2010
50 Days!
It's been 50 days since I blogged. I wrote that long piece on New Year's day and then went into hibernation.
No doubt this winter has been pretty bad! Mt Laurel, which hardly gets one or 2 days of snow in a year, has had 3 blizzards and several more days of snow so far and one more storm is expected this coming week.
But these 50 days have actually been sleepless (kind of an oxymoron isn't it?). And I have been all over the place, literally. Not just travelling at a frenetic pace, but kicking and screaming, choking and struggling, barely surviving.
No one's fault I guess, all a result of my own creation. A series of events triggered by by own desire to grow, to move ahead and be different. So I guess I'm still in line with my theme for this year, to stretch and achieve more than I have ever dreamt of.
Sitting here on this sunny Sunday afternoon, after a wonderful home-cooked meal, I am trying hard to fight sleep. Nothing would be better than a nice afternoon nap to recharge my batteries.
But it's not to be. Soon I will be sitting in my car, heading to the Mt Laurel Library, to watch my son in the Lego League. I've gotta say, amidst these last 50 cold days, my son been truly been the sunshine of my life, in his every little deed.
I am no accountant for sure, but I've made it a point to count my blessings, no matter what. I started a list of little things to be thankful for and everyday something good happens to me, I've been making an entry.
I would truly love to sit here all day and write about all the wonderful things that have happened, but the car won't wait for me, nor will the library. I'm leaving now, but I will spring back. No matter what, there's no sleeping till I get what I want...
No doubt this winter has been pretty bad! Mt Laurel, which hardly gets one or 2 days of snow in a year, has had 3 blizzards and several more days of snow so far and one more storm is expected this coming week.
But these 50 days have actually been sleepless (kind of an oxymoron isn't it?). And I have been all over the place, literally. Not just travelling at a frenetic pace, but kicking and screaming, choking and struggling, barely surviving.
No one's fault I guess, all a result of my own creation. A series of events triggered by by own desire to grow, to move ahead and be different. So I guess I'm still in line with my theme for this year, to stretch and achieve more than I have ever dreamt of.
Sitting here on this sunny Sunday afternoon, after a wonderful home-cooked meal, I am trying hard to fight sleep. Nothing would be better than a nice afternoon nap to recharge my batteries.
But it's not to be. Soon I will be sitting in my car, heading to the Mt Laurel Library, to watch my son in the Lego League. I've gotta say, amidst these last 50 cold days, my son been truly been the sunshine of my life, in his every little deed.
I am no accountant for sure, but I've made it a point to count my blessings, no matter what. I started a list of little things to be thankful for and everyday something good happens to me, I've been making an entry.
I would truly love to sit here all day and write about all the wonderful things that have happened, but the car won't wait for me, nor will the library. I'm leaving now, but I will spring back. No matter what, there's no sleeping till I get what I want...
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